


A Promise

by yaboring_yabasic



Category: Boy Meets World, Girl Meets World
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:29:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24692311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaboring_yabasic/pseuds/yaboring_yabasic
Summary: Shawn Hunter promised himself that he would never drink, this is his journey after that promise was made.
Kudos: 25





	A Promise

**Author's Note:**

> i had a bunch of ideas about this so i wrote them out and they formed this.
> 
> tw: alcoholism/alcohol abuse
> 
> disclaimer: some scenes and bits of dialogue are from their respective shows (and the characters too, obviously). i do not own anything, i am only playing in the sandbox.

Shawn never told anyone about the promise he’d made to himself when he was only nine. He made it after he heard his father stumble into their trailer somewhere in that fuzzy time between night and day. 

He wasn’t stupid, he knew his father was wasted. It wouldn’t be the first time this happened, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. This had been happening for so long, that Shawn had only just started to realize that this wasn’t how fathers were supposed to behave.

A real father- a good father- would not get drunk almost every night. He would not come home wanting to start a fight with his wife. He would not pull his son out of bed just to yell and throw things at him. He would not wake up the next morning and promise to drink less. He would not break his word.

So, as Shawn lay in bed and focused on making sure every ounce of himself stayed still, he promised himself that he would never drink a drop of alcohol in his life.

————

Now Cory was drunk, and Shawn can’t say he saw that one coming. He was supposed to be ‘The Rebel’ who brought alcohol to parties and generally wrecked havoc; while Cory was either along for the ride or the angel on his shoulder telling him to stop.

Except Shawn didn’t drink. And he tried to convince himself that he didn’t want to either. 

But that becomes impossibly difficult when you’re the type of guy who does exactly what he’s told to not do. Especially when you’ve been telling yourself you would never do it for half of your life.

“You wanna drink?” Cory offered, swirling the whiskey in the bottle just inches away from him. If Cory was acting like Shawn right now, then Shawn decided that he had to be Cory.

“I told you to have fun, not put away a pint of whiskey.”

Cory shook his head. “Well I am having a good time and I want you to have a good time too. So drink.”

“I don’t need that,” Shawn tried to convince himself, but ultimately his curiosity got the best of him. “What’s it taste like?”

“It’s the foulest tasting stuff I ever had- here.” Cory handed him the bottle and Shawn took it. He heard Cory continue to drunkenly blabber and he heard himself talk back. 

Then before he even knew it, Shawn was taking a drink.

————

He’d tried to keep his promise- he really did. And even after those few sips of whiskey in the bathroom, Shawn promised himself that would be it. A taste was enough and now he would never drink again.

He kept telling himself that he’d stop. After they finished the bottle of whiskey, after they got those beers, and after the had a run-in with the cops.

Then Shawn found himself in the Matthews’ kitchen and somehow that was worse than the police station.

When Mr. Matthews leaned in and blamed him for what had happened he froze. Cory tried to take the fall for him, but Shawn wouldn’t let that happen.

So he lied to the most consistent parental figures in his life. The people who’d been there for him since he met their son all those years ago. He told them that it was all his fault. 

“I am sick and tired of overlooking the influence you have on my kid,” Mr. Matthews growled at him. Those words cut deep for Shawn.

At this, Mrs. Matthews interrupted her husband and took him into the other room. This was great. Shawn has finally finding out that these people actually didn’t think much of him at all.

The people he’d considered to be his safe place didn’t want him around anymore.

He was a screwup.

Shawn didn’t really process much of what happened after that.

————

The next morning his head was pounding and he really wished the world would just swallow him whole. 

Shawn finally understood why his father would always promise to stop drinking in the morning.

He burrowed further into his bed in an attempt to find some comfort. Eventually, he gave up trying to go back to sleep and instead went to the bathroom to splash some water on his face. Then he slowly descended the stairs into the kitchen to drink some water and take an aspirin.

Shawn didn’t realize why he did this at the time, but he would later. He’d seen his father do this a thousand times and Shawn was just imitating what he always did: wake up with a hangover, try to fix it with water, and then give up and crack open another beer.

The can was chilled from being in the fridge, so Shawn held it up against his head as he made his way back to his room. Since he couldn’t see Cory, he figured he might actually get some homework done. Try to cancel out that bad he’d done with some good.

The beer made him feel better about his shitty self, so he fell into a bit of a routine. He’d stay holed up in his room until he was sure Eric and Jack were not in the apartment, and he’d venture out into the kitchen to grab a beer. Then it was back to his room.

It was almost too easy.

Some time later he found himself it Feeny’s class shouting about how boring feudalism was. His friends tried to get him to quiet down, but Shawn didn’t really hear them. If he was so much of a screwup, then this is what he should be doing anyway.

When Mr. Feeny asked him to leave, he did. And he didn’t stop until he was back at the apartment.

Cory followed him all the way there. He didn’t bother to try and stop him from going all the way home. Feeny only meant for Shawn to leave class and not the school, but now didn’t seem like the time to argue.

Shawn tried to fight him off because he didn’t want to be followed. He just wanted to be alone in his room, beer in his hand.

However once he saw his best friend crack open another beer, Cory decided it was now time to argue back. Shawn just sat down in the couch.

That was how Jack found them- his younger brother with a beer in his hand and his best friend’s younger brother trying to convince him to stop.

Jack swiped the beer out of Shawn’s hand. “What are you doing?”

When all he got was Shawn casually passing it off as no big deal, Jack turned to Cory for a real explanation. It was “we got drunk at a party.”

What an idiot.

Everything escalated when Jack called Chet an “abusive, ugly drunk” and Shawn stepped in defend his father. The insult hurt him because he knew that about his father but, as much as it caused him pain, Shawn never wanted anyone else to know.

He was drunk and barely processed all the fighting and yelling going on around him. Shawn jumped in a couple times to try and defend himself, but nothing mattered until he watched himself shove Angela into the door.

That was when he broke inside.

He saw his dad do this to his mom too many times to count. All he wanted to be in life, was not like his father. But here he was.

“How did that just happen?” Shawn breathlessly asked.

————

His dad always told him: “Hunter men don’t cry!”

If Chet saw Jack and Shawn on the couch right now, he’d be disappointed to say the least.

“I knew dad was a drunk before you told me,” Shawn confessed. “It would’ve been kind of hard for me to not have noticed that.”

Jack took a deep breath and held it, “what did you see?”

“Well he would stumble home late at night, or sometimes in the middle of the day, and he would be drunk. Then he would pick fights with my mom for no reason. I never saw him hurt her, but I saw some bruises once or twice. 

“Whenever he was wasted I would just try to not remind him of my presence so he’d leave me alone. It worked most of the time, but a few times he yelled and threw a book or something at me. He never actually put his hands on me which I guess is good,” Shane explained.

Jack pulled his brother into a tight hug. Not only did he want to comfort Shawn, but he didn’t want him to see the anger and sadness reserved for their father on his face. 

Finally, Shawn pulled away. “If it makes you feel any better my mom and I only saw him drunk twice when we were all together last year.”

“Fuck, Shawn,” Jack whispered. “Don’t worry about making me feel better at all, okay? Right now I get to comfort you.”

Shawn wanted to thank his brother, but he couldn’t the words out. He wanted to say that he’d never told anyone else what he just said and that he was incredibly grateful that his brother was here for him now. Instead he just nodded and wiped at his eyes. Jack understood.

“I never thought I’d be glad that my mom sat me down and told me about Chet before I went to that party,” Jack started. “I was newly 16 and she told me that no one under 21 should drink, especially not me. I asked her why and she told me that when she was married to Chet, he would ‘drink more than he should.’

“But that didn't mean much to me so I had a can and a half of beer at the party. The moment I walked back through my front door my mom immediately knew I’d been drinking and called me out on it.”

Shawn gave a light chuckle. “‘The Golden Boy’ drank at a high school party?”

“Yeah but I never will again. My mom told me that when she was married to Chet he would drink a lot, like she’d said earlier, but he would also hurt her. She didn’t give me exact details but I’ve gathered that he at least hit her a few times. God I hope it was never more than that, until she finally packed up and left with me in tow.

“I started sobbing when she told me that- partly because I was buzzed but also because of how much I wanted to protect her. She wrapped me up in her arms and I promised her I wouldn’t have a drop of alcohol ever again.” Jack sighed. As he looked back up at Shawn he noticed the pain in his face.

“Jack, I am so sorry,” Shawn’s voice cracked.

The older boy nodded, “what happened is history, and the only thing we can do is our best from now on.”

“It just blows. Everyone else gets to drink and have fun while we have to be the designated driver? All because our dad drank too much?” Shawn questioned.

“When my mom told me about his addiction she said there are, like, specialists who help families learn about it and cope. I can look for someone who does that around here and we can go get more information,” Jack offered.

After a few moments of consideration Shawn agreed to go. “I can’t let anyone I care about feel the way dad made me feel.”

“Have you talked to Angela?”

“She won’t return my messages.”

“And the rest of your friends?”

Now it was Shawn’s turn to take a deep breath, “I have a lot of apologizing to do.”

————

The next morning Eric woke up to the sounds of someone rifling through the apartment. Thinking they were getting robbed, he grabbed his Phillies bat from the shelf and held it up as he slowly opened the door.

Instead of a crook in a bandit’s mask it was just Jack in a grey sweatshirt and light-wash jeans. While he was a bit disappointed in this outcome, Eric put down the bat and went to see what his friend was doing.

“Hi, good morning, and what the hell?”

The sound of Eric’s voice pulled Jack back into reality. He shook his head and blinked his eyes before addressing his roommate, “you know how Shawn and Cory got drunk at that party? And then-“

“My baby brother did what?” Eric shouted. “Where was I?”

“I don’t know dude, but I’ll catch you up: our brothers went to a party, drank some whiskey, the cops got ‘em, your parents yelled, and Shawn stole beer from the fridge to keep drinking.”

“So why are you going through all of our stuff?”

Jack sighed, “we have to get all of the alcohol out of this apartment before Shawn gets home from school. The girls from 3B are having a party this weekend, so I’m bringing it all down there.“

Eric nodded and started helping. “Why do we have so much anyway? You don’t drink and Shawn’s 12.”

“He’s a senior in high school,” Jack laughed. “But we have this for parties and in case any girls come over who want a drink.” Eric accepted this answer.

The two of them began to go through every drawer and cabinet, making sure there wasn’t a single drop left in the apartment. After about an hour they’d double-checked every square inch- except for Shawn’s room.

As they stood in front of the door Jack reached out to place a hand on the knob. It sat there for a moment before he quickly ripped it away.

“I should trust him, right?” Jack asked the door. “We had a heart-to-heart last night and I don’t think he’s going to be drinking for a while after this.”

Eric turned around and leaned against to doorframe so he could face Jack. “I think that if you don’t go in there you’re just hurting him. This isn’t about trust, it’s about what Shawn needs right now.”

“How are you so perceptive sometimes?” He asked, squinting at his friend.

“I have no clue what goes on in here,” Eric giggled while gesturing to his head. “Things just appear and most of the time I say them.”

There wasn’t any alcohol in Shawn’s room. This was a step in the right direction.

————

Jack and Shawn sat next to each other in uncomfortable waiting room chairs. They were in the corner next to the Keurig while they waited to meet with Dan.

On the ride over Jack explained what Dan’s exact job description was, but Shawn didn’t pay much attention. All he needed to know was: Dan = the addiction specialist guy.

Shawn really didn’t want to do this. Before the other night with Jack, he’d barely given Cory details about his father and now he was expected to talk to some stranger about it. His finger nails dug into his palm.

He was doing this for Angela. For his best friends. For his brother. The fact that he’d hurt them was eating him alive.

After about five minutes a tall man who looked to be in his mid-30s came over to them. “I’m Dan. It’s nice to meet you guys!”

They both shook his hand in turn and exchanged pleasantries before following him into his office. Dan gestured for them to sit on the large, cloth couch as he took the armchair across from them.

“I’m Jack- we spoke on the phone,” he introduced. “And this is my younger brother Shawn.”

“We’re actually half-brothers,” he stated but was met with Jack giving him a sad look. “It’s important to our story!” Shawn defended, putting his hands in the air.

Dan chuckled at their antics. “So what happened to make the two of you come see me today?”

Shawn awkwardly raised his hand as he looked between Jack and Dan. He quickly pulled it back down and began explaining, “Like three weeks ago I got drunk at a party and then I kept drinking after that because there was beer in our fridge- we live together by the way- and then it ended up hurting my friends. I didn’t like that.”

“Jack mentioned that your dad was an alcoholic, so tell me, how much was that impacted your life?” Dan asked.

He began telling Dan what he’d told his brother, but left out some of the details. Jack knew Shawn was trying to save face, but it was crucial to be honest here. After Shawn finished, he filled in the missing details. This was met with a glare but no comment.

When it was Jack’s turn and he realized why it was so tempting to not tell the whole truth. But they couldn’t get what they needed out of this if they lied.

Once he had more background information on Chet, Dan was able to explain how alcoholism and addiction can effect them. The brothers could’ve made all the assumptions they wanted, but going to a professional was proving to be the best way to go.

“I definitely think the two of you should avoid any addictive substances, especially until you’re older. Not only does that include alcohol but it’s also drugs and smoking.”

Shawn rolled his eyes, “great! College will be real fun.”

“You shouldn’t need drinking to have a good time,” Dan explained while shaking his head. “If you do then it will only hurt you.”

“But everyone else has a beer and some fun-“ Shawn started, but Dan cut him off.

“They’re having fun because they’re with their friends. The alcohol is just something else for some people to enjoy when they are of age. It’s not the same for everyone.”

Jack jumped in, “besides your friends are a lot of fun and none of them strike me as heavy drinkers.”

“And would you rather risk your relationships with them?” Dan continued.

Shawn shook his head defeatedly, but agreed to come back once a month. Well, Jack was the one who actually said it and Shawn knew they were together in this.

————

For a while they were fine. Shit happened, sure, but the brothers were able to get through it together.

They had the Matthews family, all of their friends, and even Mr. Feeny.

When Chet died they were both heartbroken. It came in different ways for each of them, but they shared the pain.

Jack was very worried about Shawn when that happened. His brother tended to opt towards self-destruction at the worst times in his life. So when Cory came home and told them Shawn was taking the trailer on a road trip, he told Cory the next time Shawn called he wanted to talk.

Eventually Jack did reach his brother. “Hey man,” he started.

“Put me back on with Cory, Jack.” Shawn sounded aggravated.

“I just wanted to talk to you! I, uh, miss you,” he responded awkwardly. He really cared for Shawn, but the two of them were terrible at expressing it.

“Yeah, yeah, I miss you too.”

“You doing okay out on the open road?”

That got a small chuckle out of Shawn, “I’m doing okay. No need to worry about me.”

“I’m your big brother,” Jack defended. “I’m supposed to worry about you.”

Shawn swallowed. “Right. Thanks.”

“You can call me anytime- I’m here for you too Shawnie.”

“Only Cory gets to call me that. We’ll talk soon,” Shawn said. He hung up the phone before Jack could respond.

All was okay, though, when Shawn called him two times after that to check in. When he finally came home Jack checked to make sure he didn’t have a drink. As annoyed as Shawn was with the question, he answered honestly.

“No I didn’t,” he sighed. “I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t want to, but you and Dan got in my head.”

“I’m proud of you Shawnie,” Jack smiled.

His brother shook his head. “Still a no on that one.”

For another while longer, everything was fine. There were always ups and downs but Shawn always managed to come out of them okay.

Then a letter came in the mail. It was amazing how one piece of paper could throw off the course of someone’s life.

————

When he walked into the Matthews’ house with his girlfriend by his side and a letter from his mom in his back pocket, life was alright for Shawn Hunter. It seemed as if maybe, just maybe, his life was finding some sort of normalcy.

But life was about to slap him across the face. Again.

Cory tried to get him to throw it out, arguing that no good can come from reading its contents. Once he was distracted by Topanga, Shawn went ahead and opened the letter anyway. Cory took it out of his hands but he’d already seen what he needed to see.

“She’s not my real mother,” he breathed.

The look of pity on everyone’s faces killed him. He always managed to play the part of the screwup. The one with a shitty family.

Shawn took off, Angela behind him, back to his apartment. So what if Virna wasn’t his biological mother? That just meant he had the opportunity to find a parent who could come back for him.

After Jack was filled in, he agreed to help his brother look for her. He would always be there to help Shawn- unlike the rest of his biological family.

“I come from thieves and pillagers. I come from bad people,” Shawn admitted as they dove into his father’s family history. 

Angela interrupted his spiral, “well, hey, you know we haven’t looked up your mom’s side.”

Once Jack read out the list of options for his mother, Shawn immediately started imagining what ‘Elaine’ was like. She probably loved poetry just like he did. He probably got all of his goodness from her. Elaine was probably wonderful.

All it took was a few more days to make his life a little worse. Shawn had been so excited to read the research results about Elaine. By then, he’d spent so much time fantasizing about what finding his birth mother would be like.

Shawn scanned the results and sighed. “If a Hunter doesn’t want to be found, she won’t be found.”

Every trace came up empty. He could practically feel all of the hope leave his body.

It didn’t matter- hope was for suckers anyway. 

His friends tried to talk him down. They knew he was slipping away from them as he stood up and tried to back out the door.

“I’m leaving now,” he announced. “Not some big Shawn exit. I just have stuff to do.” He heard Cory remind him about Alan’s birthday party and he assured him he’d be there.

With that, he left. Everyone knew it was a ‘Shawn exit,’ or at least had the potential to be. His friends were worried about him, but he was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t realize.

Shawn barely knew what he was doing. He just went through the motions of being disappointed. Like he always did.

He wandered. He just moved around the city without aim. It always helped him feel alive again, except for this time.

After some time Shawn found himself back at the Matthews’ for Alan’s party. He was out of it, to say the least. He honestly didn’t even remember getting the beer or drinking it. He didn’t even know he was drunk until Cory stepped back from him, Angela pulled away, and Jack put a steady hand on his shoulder.

Shawn fucked up.

Everyone was trying to pull him away to prevent a scene. Jack into the corner, Angela outside, Mr. Matthews into the kitchen. He was in deep.

Finally he broke, “I don’t have a dad. And I don’t have a mom. I’m an orphan. I’m an old orphan and my childhood is over and I never had any parents.” 

Shawn hated when he was vulnerable like this. It made him feel whiny and childish. He started to internally spiral more and more until Mr. Matthews said something to pull him back.

“I’ll be your father,” he offered without a second thought. Just like that, the Matthews were offering to adopt him.

“Shawn you have always been a part of this family,” Mrs. Matthews started.

“How about we make it official?” Her husband finished with a smile.

The walls were closing in and he had to run. Shawn couldn’t do this to them. They had more important things, like Morgan and Josh, to worry about. He had to go.

————

Cory followed him, but nothing would stop Shawn until he got where he was going. It took him a while to realize where exactly that was, but once it was clear no one was getting in his way. 

He was going to the cemetery to visit his dad. This whole mess that letter cause led him to realize one thing and he had to let his dad know.

It was weird and probably a bit unhealthy, but whenever something big was going on his dad would come back. Since he died, and Shawn made a bit of peace with him, his ghost-like form would come back and Shawn would talk things out with it.

Again, not the most healthy coping mechanism, but at least he was talking.

“You know I always thought you were the black sheep of the family,” Shawn explained. “But you weren't. You stayed. You raised me.”

Chet tried to deny it, but Shawn was right.

“You did a good job dad- people like me! I even have friends, I even have someone who loves me.”

By the time Cory caught up to him for the second time that evening, Shawn was ready to follow him back home.

The Matthews’ didn’t have to adopt him to his family. Shawn was already a part of their family and had been for many years now.

It warmed his heart to know that the invitation was there on the table for him, though. It assured him that even when he screwed up, he still had people who cared about him.

For now that was enough.

————

A week or so after the letter from Virna, Jack made dinner for himself and Shawn. The thought that his brother felt alone without his family was eating Jack up inside. 

They were family. Why couldn’t Shawn see that?

“Dinner’s ready!” He called into the apartment. “I made your favorite, Shawn!”

His brother quickly made his way to the railing. “Dino chicken nuggets?”

“Only the best for you,” Jack answered sarcastically.

Shawn jogged down the stairs and took a seat across from Jack at the kitchen island. He dug into his tang-free chicken while his brother watched him, wondering how to bring up what he wanted to ask. He decided that with Shawn, the best way to go was straight-forward.

“You know I’m your brother right?”

“Yeah...” He trailed off.

Jack fumbled with his napkin. “Well, just after the whole thing with Virna, I wanted to make sure you knew that you have family. I know I’m not one of your parents but that doesn’t mean I’m not here for you.”

After he finished chewing, Shawn looked up to meet Jack’s eyes and said, “we’re not going to be like Eric and Cory.”

“No but we can be-“

“I know you grew up as an only child, so you have all these high expectations of what having a brother is like but this is it. You just have me.”

Jack shook his head. “Is wanting a bond with you really such a high expectation?”

“Look we’ve got the whole ‘our father was an addict’ thing to bond over. Isn’t that enough?”

“No Shawn! I want you to really consider me your brother. No stifling that by constantly putting ‘half’ in front of it and no forgetting that I’m your family. Okay?” Jack was pleading him to listen.

Shawn closed his eyes and admitted, “if I do those things it’ll just make it harder to lose you.”

His brother was confused. “Why would you lose me?”

“Some day I’ll fuck up so badly that you’ll stop trying to fix me. Then you’ll leave like the rest of my family did,” Shawn explained in a small voice.

Jack stood up and walked around the counter to hug Shawn. That gesture meant more to him than any potentially empty promises.

————

Even once Jack left with Rachel to join the Peace Corps and Shawn followed Cory, Topanga, and Eric to New York City; they kept in touch.

They were the Hunter brothers after all.

City life was great for Shawn. He was surrounded by creative minds which was simply inspiring. He finished college, becoming the first in his family from the trailer park to do so, but cast his degree aside.

He was proud, but it was art that called to him more than any meaningless desk job ever did. Shawn had been hesitant to actually start but on December 8th, 2001 something pushed him to go for it.

And that ‘something’ was named Riley Matthews.

She was the reason he took the travel writer job while simultaneously being the reason he felt guilty about leaving. He felt like he was abandoning her and she wasn’t even his daughter.

When he left for his first assignment that afternoon, Topanga gave Cory her blessing to go follow him. Shawn had all of his belongings in the duffel in his shoulder and the suitcase in his hand as his best friend stood a few feet away to block the door.

“Cory you have to let me do this,” Shawn begged. “This job is an amazing opportunity for me! I get to take pictures and write-“

“No Shawnie, you just get paid to run away,” he corrected.

Shawn reached a hand out as a sign of peace. “I’ll be back for Christmas in a couple weeks.”

“Why can’t you just stay here? For me, for your goddaughter?” Now Cory was the one who was begging.

“You have your own family now, Cor. It was easy for me to forget you were married when we were in college but now you have a daughter. You have to stay here for your family and I have to go out to find my own place in the world.”

Cory sighed and walked toward Shawn. He stood there for a moment as if scanning his friend’s face so he could remember it later. Then he pulled Shawn into a hug. They stayed there for a while.

Finally Cory whispered, “your place can always be right here. Don’t forget that.”

“I know.” Shawn nodded into his shoulder.

“We love you, we’ll miss you, and see you on Christmas.”

“I love you guys too.”

They broke apart, Shawn readjusted his luggage and opened the door. He turned back to Cory before saying, “I’ll see you soon. Now go back to your wife and your daughter.”

“I’ll see you soon,” he agreed. They walked down the apartment building steps until they got to Shawn’s car. 

He climbed inside and drove away. He couldn’t bring himself to look back.

Cory watched his car until it was way beyond his field of vision. Then he hailed a cab and went back to the hospital.

The Matthews family couldn’t wait for Christmas.

————

Shawn came back for the holidays adorned with gifts from Pittsburgh and Boston, the two cities he traveled to so far. Everyone was delighted to see that he actually came back.

He had elaborate stories about the people he met and the things he saw. Some of his best pictures were printed, so he could show everyone his work.

The joy that came with something new hadn’t worn off yet.

A couple months later, Shawn was in Washington DC for the cherry blossom festival. Getting to write and take pictures for a living was wonderful. They were his strengths and the company loved his work.

However, it was lonely out on the road. Especially because he’d been attached to Cory at the hip since they were kids. Even when everyone else left him alone, his best friend was always there.

So that night, as Shawn sat in his hotel by himself, he called his best friend. They talked about how Riley was doing, Topanga’s new job, and DC. It was nice.

Except he spent the entire call staring at those mini bottles of liquor they always put in hotel rooms. Shawn had hoped that hearing Cory’s voice would calm him, but it didn’t work as well as other methods he’d tried in the past.

So Shawn drank one bottle. The next night, he downed two. Travel night. Three bottles. Four. Five. Travel. Six. Seven. Travel.

From then on, he would drink to drown out the loneliness he felt inside.

There was no one there to tell him to stop because they cared about him so much. No one to wrap him in a hug. He was alone.

Shawn felt ashamed of his actions, but it never stopped him. He didn’t go to actual bars where people could see him because the mini bar accomplished the same task and then he could crash right in the bed. 

Sure, he could hear Dan and Jack in his head telling him that he should stop, but he ignored them. After some time, they grew fainter.

Whenever he went back to New York City or Philly for a birthday or holiday, he would make sure he was sober. Everything in his life was working and he didn’t need anyone telling him otherwise.

It worked for Shawn. He would travel all across the country, taking pictures by day and drinking by night. It wasn’t the best system, but it worked.

————

It worked for almost three years.

Shawn became too confident in his abilities to fool Cory Matthews and it came to bite him in the ass during Christmas 2004 in Philadelphia.

This year, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews were the ones hosting because little Josh was a part of his preschool Christmas pageant. Of course everyone wanted to go see that.

Shawn would be coming on Christmas Eve rather than the day before because he needed to submit his article before his deadline or his boss would be pissed.

He managed to get it in on time and pulled into the driveway right on schedule.

Once he opened the front door, he saw Riley and Josh watching cartoons on the couch. He only had a second before Riley came hurdling at him screaming “Uncle Shawn!”

As soon as her chubby little arms wrapped around his legs, her father burst through the kitchen door and yelled “Shawnie!”

When he wrapped his arms around his best friend, Cory immediately pulled away and looked Shawn dead in the eyes.

“Riley, darling,” he said without breaking eye contact. “Why don’t you and Josh go play upstairs in his room?”

“Okay daddy!” She replied gleefully and followed her uncle up the steps.

Meanwhile, a string of curse words ran through Shawn’s head while his heart tried to beat out of his chest. He knew he was fucked.

He wasn’t drunk at the moment, he drove after all, but he was a tad hungover. It didn’t help that he passed out in the shirt he was currently wearing the night before and woke up too late that morning to change it.

Topanga broke their staring contest when she came in through the kitchen.

“Hey Pangers!” Shawn greeted, walking around a frozen Cory to her.

He hugged her, but she pulled away just as her husband had. “Oh Shawn,” was all she could whisper.

Finally Cory turned around and grabbed him by his collar. “Outside. Now.”

Shawn had nowhere else to go so he obeyed. Once they got onto the front porch and Topanga closed the door behind them, Cory started going off.

“You think you can just show up drunk, smelling like a bar and be around my family?” He gritted through his teeth.

“Cory maybe you should let him explain,” Topanga reasoned.

“You think you can just leave for months at a time and start drinking again?”

Shawn stood completely still. A tear rolled down his cheek, but he stood there with his shoulders squared.

“Do you think that we’re not there to help you when you’re struggling?” This time his best friend’s voice cracked.

“I’m sorry, Cor. It got away from me so fast.” He quickly crumbled to the ground and curled into a sobbing heap. Shawn wanted the world to swallow him whole.

The looks on his best friends’ faces twisted a knife in his chest he’d only just realized was there.

Cory and Topanga joined him on the cold concrete. They just put their arms around him and held on tight.

The lecture would come later, right now Shawn just needed them to be there.

————

After a while, the three shivering twenty-somethings made their way back into the house. Amy and Alan noticed the tear-stained cheeks but didn’t mention it. They only welcomed their fourth son back home.

Cory and Topanga sat Shawn down at the kitchen table.

“There’s hot cocoa on the stove that‘ll be ready in just a few minutes,” Amy explained sweetly.

“We’ll go check on the little ones,” Alan said before placing his hand on the small of her back and starting up the stairs.

After only two steps, Shawn stopped them by calling out a simple “wait.” They turned back around.

He stood up and walked over to the fridge. Everyone followed his hand to the cluster of photographs in the upper right hand corner.

“I took these.” He paused before asking, “why are they on here?”

Amy smiled and walked back over to him. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and told him, “because that’s where we put our children’s best artwork you silly goose.”

Shawn’s eyes welled up again and he turned to hug her. Alan came over, put a strong hand on his shoulder, and then joined the hug as well.

“Your photos are also much better than Josh’s scribbles and mom likes to show off,” Cory added. Everyone gave a lighthearted laugh.

A thud from the ceiling brought the elder Matthews upstairs to investigate and the three found themselves back at the table with a warm mug in each of their hands.

“Are you okay, Shawn?” Topanga asked seriously.

He sighed, “I thought I was.”

“What happened?” Cory slowly started to continue their line of questioning.

“I love my job, I do, but I am always alone. Eventually it was easier to drink and feel happy than to be lonely and sad all the time.”

Topanga looked confused. “Wait how long as this been going on?”

“Almost three years,” Shawn admitted. He quickly squeezed his eyes shut so he couldn’t see their reactions. But he didn’t hear anything, so he opened his eyes to see Cory with his head in his hands. “Please say something.”

His friend lifted his head. “When you last came for Eric’s birthday I felt that something was off about you. I almost asked you about it but I didn’t. And I should’ve.”

“I thought I noticed something last Christmas, but told myself I was making it up. You seemed so happy with your job,” Topanga added. “I’m sorry we didn’t check up on you.”

Shawn shook his head. “No none of this is your guys’ fault. I should’ve talked to you about it, but my ‘system’ was working so well for me that I didn’t.”

“Why don’t you take a break and come stay with us in the city for a little while?” Cory offered. When his gaze shifted over to his wife, Shawn followed. She nodded enthusiastically.

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be imposing?”

Topanga laughed, “you’re always welcome to come home, Shawn.” He reached over and held her hand.

After a few moments he went over to the phone and dialed his boss’s home number. 

“It’s Shawn- I need a bit of time off, yeah, I’m in Philly right now, okay thanks.”

His friends looked to him for the other half of the conversation. “As long as I get pictures for two sites in Philly I’m good for a while.”

“Uncle Shawn?” A small voice from the steps. “Are you okay?”

He turned to Riley and opened his arms. She quickly made her way to the table and jumped into his lap.

Looking into his best friends’ reassuring eyes, Shawn knew the answer.

“I will be, Riley.”

————

So Shawn followed Cory and Topanga back to New York City the day after Christmas.

No matter how many times they reassured him that he wasn’t, Shawn always felt a bit like he was intruding. They all had their own routines and he jumped in just to tie up a few loose ends.

He was about to announce that he would be leaving soon when Riley came home from daycare with a terrible cold. She was coughing and sniffling and miserable.

Cory looked at Topanga. “I can’t stay home with her tommorow- my kids are taking their midterms.”

“Well I can’t stay home either, I have to appear in court,” she argued back.

“I guess we can call my parents,” Cory suggested but it came out as more of a question.

Shawn walked over to the couple, stood between them, and tapped them both on the shoulder. This seemed to pull them out of their thoughts.

“Um hello,” he said as he waved. “All I do is walk around the city and go from cafe to cafe. I think I can take the day off to take care of the kid.”

The parents looked at each other, wordlessly debating if this was a good idea. Shawn couldn’t follow it exactly but when they both turned to him he realized he got the gig.

“I can promise you that she’ll probably not die.”

Topanga’s eyes popped. “Probably, Shawn? I need more than a flimsy ‘probably.’”

“Relax honey. He was just kidding,” Cory calmly assured her while rubbing her arm and shooting Shawn a death stare she couldn't see.

He put his hands up in defeat and walked down the hallway to Riley’s room. Once he got there, he stood in the doorframe and took in the sight of a tiny Riley curled up on her large bed.

“Hey Riley,” he called and a head slowly popped up from under the duvet. “How would you like it if I took care of you tommorow while your parents worked?”

“But mommy and daddy always take care of me,” she pouted.

Shawn walked into her room as if he were trying to not startle a bear. “We can have soup while we watch cartoons.”

“Hmmm,” she considered his offer. “Will you let me have a lollipop too?”

“You know you are just like your mother? But yeah, sure, one lollipop.”

She broke into the brightest smile and whispered a “yay.”

————

Taking care of a sick three year old proved to be a more difficult task than he’d originally planned for, but he managed. After two days Riley was back to normal.

On that second night, once it was determined Riley could go back to daycare the next day, Shawn quickly packed up his stuff. A few days prior he called his boss for the next assignment and he would head out after dinner.

“You really don’t have to leave, Shawnie.”

Cory stood there, watching him pack like a tornado was coming and he had to get out quickly.

“The kid is finally better,” Shawn started with a sigh and a pointed stare. “And I’m itching to go write.”

“What if you took a local job instead? You could stay here with us,” Cory convinced.

His best friend just shook his head. “You and Pangers have careers and a family. Obviously I’m not cut out for that life or I’d already be right there beside you. I have to leave, but I’ll be back.”

Cory crosses the room and grabbed Shawn’s shoulders. “No more drinking.”

This time it wasn’t a question like it was when they were teenagers. This time it was a command.

“No more drinking. I promise,” Shawn agreed. 

He moved past Cory and into the living room with his bags to say goodbye. After hugs and kisses were exchanged he was on his way out the door.

“Please call us if you need anything!” Topanga called after him.

Shawn raised a hand in acknowledgement and headed downstairs to where his car was waiting.

It was incredibly refreshing to be out on the road again. He felt like he could do whatever he wanted and the world was at his command.

The whole process became the new routine.

Shawn would travel for work, but once the world started to seem too big and empty he would be sure to visit someone. Most of the time that was Cory and Topanga, but other times it was Mr. and Mrs. Matthews, Mr. Feeny, or Eric.

If he couldn’t make it there Shawn would make sure to call, text, or email. With those options Jack was rotated into the list as well.

Until his brother came come from the Peace Corps.

Jack explained his breakup with Rachel and subsequent moving back to New York City to Shawn in an email. So, he was added to the list of places to crash between assignments.

The first time they saw each other again was a bit awkward, but the brothers had been communicating for the past couple years so they quickly fell back into rhythm.

They talked about Shawn’s misadventures with drinking, Jack’s relationship with Rachel, their friends, and everything in between. It was nice.

————

The sense of peace that Shawn finally began to feel was disrupted on one particular visit to the city to see his best friends.

After dinner and bath time and story time, when Riley was sound asleep, they sat him down on the couch.

“Shawn, there’s something we’d like to tell you,” Topanga started carefully, but cheerfully.

He frantically looked between the couple for more information. Cory simply wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist and gently placed a hand on her lower stomach.

Shawn knew exactly what was happening because that’s how they told him about Riley when they couldn’t get the words out.

“Oh wow- congrats guys!” He told them with a plastered smile. They pretended it was genuine.

It was hard for Shawn be around Cory and Topanga again. They had a family and that was something he felt he didn’t deserve to have.

But Auggie was the cherry on top. Auggie made them a perfect nuclear family.

He didn’t visit between the birth and the first birthday.

Shawn stayed away from drinking this time because he still had the rest of his support system to rely on. The rest of the Matthews gave him updates on what happened in that Greenwich Village apartment, and he nodded along.

When he finally saw them again, something Jack had coaxed him into, Shawn was taken aback. Riley had grown what seemed like half a foot and Auggie was skipping through milestones.

It amazed him how much you can miss in just 365 days.

So he came to visit a few times throughout each year and observed the kids from afar. Shawn loved them to death, of course, but he convinced himself to detach from them.

Those kids didn’t deserve a flimsy uncle who came in and out as he pleased. It was just easier to be distant.

Shawn believed that this way no one would get hurt.

————

It was honestly amazing that it took him this long to meet Maya Hart. She’d been Riley’s best friend since they were five or so and all but lived with the Matthews.

The real reason was that Shawn had avoided more than the required amount of contact with Riley for a while now.

Boy did the holidays have a lot in store for him.

Shawn was so glad to see Cory and Mrs. Cory again. The three of them had grown up so close that it killed him to be apart from them.

The rational part of him knew that all he had to do was secure a local job and get an apartment in order to see them every day. But the other side of him was terrified of hurting their kids.

Maya would have none of that.

That night she confronted him without hesitation. “Why do you make Riley feel bad?”

He grasped for the words. Shawn knew he wasn’t the best uncle, and deep down he knew he wasn’t even close, but having Maya say it to his face hurt.

“I don’t mean to,” he offered.

“Well you do,” she informed him. “And that’s not cool with me.” Riley sat next to her looking embarrassed.

They went back to Riley’s room, leaving Shawn to overthink these past few years. If he hadn’t been so distant, could he have actually been a good uncle? Could he have settled down in one place and met someone? Could he have been happier?

Shawn sat down on the couch deep in thought for a few minutes. It must have worn him out because before he knew it he woke up to two teenage girls in his face.

“How could you possibly not like Riley?” Maya interrogated.

“Maya!” Riley interrupted.

He played dumb. “What is she talking about?”

“Whenever you do come here it’s like you find some excuse not to talk to me and then you leave,” Riley quietly explained.

She hit that one right on the nose, but he made a weak attempt at deflecting her comment. After a minute of debate over whether he knew Riley’s birthday Topanga called them into the kitchen for Christmas dinner.

Shawn was a bit shocked when Maya said she’d seen the website he wrote for, but once that wore off he realized he shouldn’t have been. For some reason she was like him and he always dreamed of leaving the trailer park.

When they talked it was almost off-putting. The more Maya revealed about herself, the more he saw himself in her. He did not want to see the mess he was in anyone else.

“Okay that’s it- when’s my birthday Uncle Shawn?” Riley interjected.

He shot Cory a look, Shawn didn’t know what to tell her but all the adults at the table knew exactly why he knew her birthday.

Cory reassured her, “he knows Riley.”

“You keep on saying that. Why won’t he answer? What did I do?”

A piece of his heart broke when he realized she thought it was her fault that he was so distant. He always blamed himself when something went wrong. Shawn would have none of this.

He tossed his napkin down on the table and walked toward the door. “You coming or what?” he called behind him.

Shawn was going to make things right with Riley.

They were all silent as they made their way to the cafe, a true feat for Riley. When they finally sat down Shawn broke the tension with an answer.

“December 8th.”

Riley was caught off guard. “What?”

“Your birthday,” he told her.

“That doesn’t save you,” Maya informed him. “I know her birthday, but I don’t abandon my friends to hit the road.”

Shawn wanted to be mad about her attitude, but all he found in himself for her was a mutual respect. He always talked back to the adults in his life. It was self-preservation.

“Think that’s fair?” he asked her.

“I do.”

He smirked. “Then this is fair too.”

Before the girls could wrap their minds about what was happening, he was shooting questions at them about Riley’s birth. They had no clue what the answers were.

But Shawn knew every single one. “I was there all night,” he told them. “I was the first one to hold you after your parents.”

“Why do you remember it all so well?” Riley asked yet another question. What was it with these girls and their infinite list of questions?

“It was the day I left New York City.”

Maya caught on rather quickly. Riley was right behind her. Shawn knew it all along but could never admit it to himself.

“Every time you see me,” Riley started. “Does it remind you of what you don’t have?”

Damn, that girl had Cory’s scheming topped with Topanga’s talent of seeing right through him. Shawn knew Maya was going to have her work cut out for her if she wanted to keep a secret.

He determined that was probably for the best.

————

Shawn had definitely not been expecting Maya to become a part of his life when he went to the Matthews for Christmas.

But when Riley made him talk to her about his parents, which he guessed was something Cory told her about, everything clicked into place.

“I would never let anyone grow up like that,” he sighed, shaking his head. Shawn wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy.

“You wouldn’t?” Maya asked.

He turned to look at her. “No.”

“Oh.” She looked down at the floor, disappointed, before looking back at him. “You wouldn’t?”

“No.”

When he looked into her blue eyes, Shawn saw that they were clouded with pain. It took him a beat to catch on before he realized why she asked a second time.

He took a deep breath, “oh.”

Maya was growing up with only half a parent and here he was telling her he would never let that happen. They both had the Matthews growing up, but as amazing as they were, it wasn’t the same.

Shawn finally saw it: she was his parallel.

But Maya has him now, an adult who understood her. An adult who promised to help her.

He had two important promises to keep now.

So, as everyone was exchanging gifts, he extended an invitation to Riley and Auggie to join him on his next assignment. Shawn didn’t know if asking Maya outright would scare her off, so he went through Riley.

That’s how he ended up with Riley, Maya, Auggie, and Josh in upstate New York for the weekend. It was hectic and overwhelming, but most importantly it was buckets of fun.

He started to visit New York City in between every assignment- his favorite people lived there after all. And the company paid for his gas.

The more time he spent with Maya, he closer the pair grew.

Eventually he found himself confronting her very attractive mother when she picked up a shift at the diner on Maya’s birthday.

Then he was buying Maya new clothes and sitting in the dad chair.

Then Katy was asking him on a date, in front of everyone, and he was saying yes.

It’s funny how life can change so quickly.

————

It was weird to be going on a date. Shawn had either been on the road or with Cory and Topanga for thirteen years. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t slept with handful (or two) of people he met in hotel lobbies during that time, but Shawn didn’t stay in one place long enough for a date.

Now he was sitting across a small table from Katy Clutterbucket.

“I’m going to apologize in advance for being awkward,” he smiled. “I haven’t done this for quite a while now.”

Katy laughed, “and you think I have? Seriously, Shawn. We’re in the same boat here.”

That thought knocked a bit of weight off his shoulders.

“And I just want to make it clear that no matter what happens here, I will still be there for Maya,” Shawn assured her.

“She’s really taken a liking to you and I can’t ruin that for her, so thanks.”

Shawn shook his head. “You need to stop thinking so little about yourself! You are good mother and, so far, an amazing date.” He shot her a wink.

“Well you’re too kind.”

They spent the next few minutes staring down their respective menus, trying to figure out where to go next. It was finally the waiter who jump-started the date conversation.

“What can I get you two to drink?” They asked innocently.

Katy spoke up first, “I’ll have a glass of wine please.”

“And I’ll take a Coke,” Shawn finished. The waiter walked away.

“You can enjoy a drink other than soda if you’d like,” she offered. “It’s not like you have to drive us home.”

He fiddled with the hem of the tablecloth. “I appreciate it, thanks.”

A blush crept up her cheeks. “I sure have done something- haven't I?”

“No you didn’t do anything,” Shawn assured her. “I just don’t drink.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no id-“

He reached across the table to take her hand and said, “I know, that’s why I told you.”

When Shawn looked her in the eyes like he did just a moment ago, Katy’s heart fluttered and her stomach did a twisty-twirly thing. He made her feel safe and cared for, even on their first date.

“I admire your honesty,” she admitted.

“I don’t like to beat around the bush. It’s a lot easier to just get where you’re going.”

Katy smiled at this. “And just where are you going Shawn Hunter?”

“Well I’m going to spend time with you. And your daughter,” he stated.

“Now that was smooth.”

Shawn chuckled, “if you think that was smooth- you should’ve seen me in high school!”

She laughed at his quip and they fell back into silence again. Even though it seemed like too much for a first date, Shawn felt the need to explain himself a bit.

“My, uh, my father was an alcoholic. I drank a few times throughout my life and it never turned out well so I’ve been sober for quite a while now.”

Katy’s face softened. “You didn’t have to tell me all that, but please know that I’ll be there if you need me.”

Many people had told him that but when Katy said it, for some reason his heart warmed. Now he felt safe and cared for.

The pair finished their dinners and left the restaurant. Like a gentleman, Shawn walked Katy all the way back to her front door.

“Would it be okay if I kissed you?” he asked with a polite smile on his face.

She matched his expression. “It would be more than okay.”

Shawn leaned in and they kissed.

It wasn’t like the movies. There were no sparks flying and no rain was pouring down.

But the feeling of a deep connection for the other person coursed through their bodies. It was better than any cheap movie romance.

Katy disconnected from him to catch her breath. After a minute of Shawn holding her close, she got up on her toes and whispered in his ear, “Maya’s sleeping over at Riley’s.”

He took a step back and laughed. “I know you’ve been out of the game for a while now Katy, but whispering about your daughter having a sleepover with my best friends’ kid is not sexy.”

She lightly punched his shoulder. “You’re an ass. I meant that I have the apartment to myself tonight if you would like to come upstairs.”

“Oh,” Shawn whispered. “Are you implying that we have a sleepover of our own?”

“Maybe,” Katy flirted.

He took her and and looked her in the eye intently. “Only if you’re sure.”

“Look. You’d be going back to an empty hotel room and I’d be going up to an empty apartment. Aren’t you tired of waking up alone?”

“So tired.”

————

Shawn and Katy served sparkling cider at their wedding reception.

The whole production was recklessly spontaneous, but it was perfectly fitted to them. A few people were missing: Jack, the rest of Matthews, and some others.

None of that mattered now, though. They could have a reception with everyone else after the honeymoon. Now was the time for toasts.

Cory raised his glass in the air and clinked it with a knife. “Time for my toast!” Everyone gathered around him to listen.

“My dear Shawnie. There were times when I wasn’t sure I would ever get to be your best man, but I’m so glad all of us are here today. You are my best friend in the entire world and I wish you a lifetime of happiness. You deserve it.”

The friends and family cheered and raised their glasses.

Maya raised her hand after they finished. “If it’s cool with you guys I’d also like to give a toast?”

“Go right ahead baby girl,” Katy encouraged as she snuggled into her husband’s side.

“I have seen my mom feel a lot of different things over the years, but I have never seen her as happy as she is with you, Shawn. I love you guys!”

Riley hugged her tightly as the rest of the group cheered again.

The fact that her mom and Shawn were legally bound together helped to reassure Maya that he would stay. She was also excited about the idea of having a stepdad. Maya didn’t remember what it was like to have a whole, happy family for herself.

Shawn could see how she was feeling and popped another question to Katy on their honeymoon.

“How would you feel about me adopting Maya?”

She let out a small gasp. “You’d really do that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? I promised I’d never let anyone grow up like I did and what better way to fulfill that than giving her a dad that will actually be here for her,” he explained.

“Somehow I love you more each and every day, Shawn Hunter.”

As soon as they got back to New York City Shawn started the adoption process. There were bumps in the road (like having to meet Kermit and get him to sign away his parental rights) but he ended up on top.

Seeing the smile on her face when he handed her the papers made every second of his life leading up to that moment worth it.

This was where he was supposed to be. All of those years on the road led him to Katy and Maya.

Shawn belonged here in New York.

It’s where his family is.

————

The newly formed family actually functioned quite nicely. It took them each a bit of time to get used to living with the others, but they figured it out.

Every argument and squabble just led to more communication which strengthened their relationships in turn.

They were content with the quiet lives they’d always dreamed of.

Shawn sat on the couch with his wife as they watched TV on a Friday night. Katy was snuggled into his shoulder and he was lightly drawing shapes on her arm with his finger.

They both turned towards the door when the heard the rustling of keys, signaling that their daughter was home. She’d had a long week of school, so they agreed to let her go to a party with her friends. The couple detached themselves from one another and made their way to the nearby kitchen table to greet Maya.

Shawn did not like what the front door revealed.

“Honey I’m home!” Maya called into the apartment before realizing her parents were only a couple of yards away.

Katy grinned widely, “how was the party baby girl?”

“It was fine,” she spoke slowly, like she was concentrating on every word. “Goodnight!”

Nothing got past Shawn- he knew all the tricks in the book.

“Can I please have a hug first?” He asked his daughter while making intense eye contact. Maya nodded and carefully approached him, opening her arms a bit. As soon as she got within reach Shawn chuckled and shook his head.

“What?”

Shawn stood up. “You’re drunk, Maya.”

“No I’m not!” She defended weakly.

“Maya?” Katy breathed, searching for an answer in her daughter’s eyes.

She looked between her parents trying to gage their response. “So? I had few beers at a party- big deal! I’m sure you guys drank in high school,” her words started to blend together as she formed longer sentences.

“You’re only 17 Maya. You’re underage by 4 years! You can’t be drinking at some party,” Katy scolded. “Something could’ve happened to you at the party, or on your way home. I can’t see you get hurt.” Her voice cracked at the end.

“But I’m fine mom!”

Katy shook her head, “No Maya. You’re drunk. Get yourself a glass of water and go to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning when you’ve sobered up.”

Maya admitted defeat with a nod. She walked over the fridge and grabbed a water bottle before turning toward the small hallway that led to her bedroom.

“I love you,” she practically whispered to the two adults in the kitchen. Then she walked to her room and closed the door.

Shawn sat with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. Katy paced behind him. They were sorting out their own feelings before they discussed how they should deal with this.

It was Shawn who finally broke the silence.

“Babe, I need you to tell me more about Kermit,” he said bluntly.

Katy struggled to form a response before she paused to regroup. After a moment she looked back at her husband and asked him a simple question: “what does that have to do with Maya?”

Shawn sighed, “I don’t know why but Maya is my, my parallel or some shit like that. We’re eerily similar and I hate it so much. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone I love, but it happens to her all the time.”

“Where is this going, Shawn?”

“You know that every day I try to keep my promise to myself. You know why that’s so important to me. Please tell me that Maya won’t need to make the same promise,” Shawn was practically pleading his wife to not give him the answer he knew was coming.

Now it was Katy’s turn to sigh. “The word ‘addict’ was never thrown around. But that’s not far from what it was. He would come home and have a couple beers or he would go out to a bar and come home smelling like one. It made him happy, so I let it be. I wanted to preserve any peace we still had.

“It drove me crazy though. I always had to clean up his mess so Maya wouldn’t notice anything was off. When he was sober we would fight, but we never actually mentioned what we were fighting about. It was just a mutual understanding. Well, then he finally just left.”

Shawn hugged his wife tightly while whispering comfort in her ear. When he finally pulled away from her, he said the only word that could express what he felt:

“Fuck.”

————

The next morning Maya woke up with a pounding headache, almost as if she could feel the sounds of the birds outside her window. She felt like shit. It took most of her energy to move herself into a seated position.

She didn’t notice Shawn sitting in her desk chair until she reached for the rest of the water on her nightstand. Through squinted eyes she could determine that it was her dad instead of her mom, but that was about it.

“How’re you doing there?” He asked, not bothering to lower his voice or not sound like he was teasing her.

Maya grumbled back something incoherent which made Shawn chuckle.

“Half the punishment for drinking is the hangover, so make sure you enjoy it.”

She sat with her eyes closed for a minute before her eyebrows scrunched together and she opened her eyes to look at her dad. “How do you know that? Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen you drink.”

“Well that’s because I don't.”

“Oh,” she said as she lowered her head into her hands. From the tone of his voice she could tell her comment struck a nerve.

The two of them sat there quietly for a while, both trying to figure out what to say to the other. After a few minutes Shawn spoke up, “you can ask why- it’s okay. People always want to know.”

“Why don’t you drink alcohol, then?” Maya started timidly. He’d told her it was okay, but it felt improper to actually ask.

“My dad was, uh, well in the words of your Uncle Jack: ‘an abusive, ugly drunk.’” Shawn bluntly explained.

Maya searched for the right words, but nothing came out except a strangled “I’m sorry.”

“You can’t change history.” He shrugged.

“Please don't go all Matthews on me.”

Shawn chuckled, “right- sorry.”

They resolved to silence once again. Last night Shawn had convinced Katy that he should be the one to talk to Maya about all this because he experienced it too, but now he was starting to think she should’ve been doing this instead.

The clink of a glass on the nightstand pulled him back. Realizing it was empty, he spun his chair around to get the water and aspirin he brought with him.

“Here these’ll help a bit,” Shawn said. He walked over to her bed and gave the items to her.

Maya took the aspirin and was sipping on the water when she looked back up at her dad. “Are you just going to stand over me?”

“Scooch.” He gestured for her to slide over and sat down on top of her covers once she did. Maya leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Isn’t there going to be a lecture?” She questioned.

Shawn nodded. “Yeah there is. I just know how much it sucks to hear, so I’m procrastinating.”

“So you did drink in high school? I was right?”

“Don’t act too proud of yourself, but yeah I did. I didn’t really understand that for me, anything addictive is a big deal. When I was young and my dad drank I promised myself I would never do that, but when the time came I took the bottle of whiskey from Cory and took a swig.”

Maya gasped, “Wait Mr. Matthews drank in high school too?”

He swore under his breath. “Probably should've left that part out. The point is- I drank because I liked the way it made me feel. Eventually I had to realize that if I kept at it, I would end up just like my dad. 

“But I’m different. I went with my brother to go see this guy who explained addiction to me and told me that I was at risk. So every day I try to keep my promise to myself that I will not drink. Some days are harder than others, but I could never risk losing my family like he did every time he stumbled home.”

His daughter considered this for a moment before she began to ask questions. “How long has it been since you broke that promise?”

“Since Riley’s third Christmas. My longest streak since I first drank.”

“Does she know about all this? Does mom?”

“Yeah your mom and I talked about it on our first date actually. Other than that, Cory and Topanga know, so does my brother, the rest of the Matthews except Josh, and my friends from school I guess,” Shawn listed while Maya quietly nodded along.

She realized he missed a name. “So not Riles then?”

“No, I don’t think she knows,” Shawn admitted. He hoped that if she did, it was because her parents told her and not because of any memory she had of him.

Neither talked for another few minutes. During that time, Maya tried to formulate the question she’d had since her dad started sharing his experience.

“Why are you telling me this?” She finally asked. “Are you just trying to scare me from drinking or-“

Shawn knew exactly what she stopped herself from asking. It ruined the scenario he created in his head where she magically understood everything and didn’t drink again for a long time.

“After you came home last night your mom and I talked about him,” he started with a deep breath.

“You can just call him Kermit,” she offered.

He shook his head. “This is a serious conversation- I’m good. Anyway, your mom told me that he used to drink more than he probably should. She doesn’t know if he’s necessarily an addict, but I wanted to tell you anyway because you’re like my carbon copy.”

Mays just sat there and absorbed this new information about her father. She was also considering everything her dad told her about himself. It would be a lot to process on a regular morning without a hangover, so it took her a little while.

Finally she looked up at Shawn with tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Before she could speak her dad brushed away a stray tear with his thumb.

“Thanks for looking out for me. I love you so much, dad.”

He hugged her from the side and held her there. “I love you too, Maya. No more drinking?”

“No more drinking.”

They stayed like that for a while. As father and daughter.

“You know, Matthews would talk about you all the time before I met you,” Maya started. “It sounded like you would understand me and I thought hope was for suckers, so I told him I didn’t think you were real.”

Shawn laughed so hard, he wheezed. “You thought I was fake? You thought they all made me up?”

“Take it as a compliment! In my eyes you were too good to be true,” she tried to defend herself.

“Did I live up to your expectations?” He inquired, pretending to not be scared of her answer.

“Nah.”

His heart dropped through the floor and he started stammering before Maya grabbed his hand. When he finally managed to look her in the eyes, Shawn discovered she was holding in a fit of laughter.

“You suck- you know that?”

Maya just flashed a smile. He swung his legs back over the side of her bed and stood up to go. After a few steps his daughter interrupted him.

“You turned out pretty okay. Even after everything that happened to you,” she said wistfully.

Now it was Shawn’s turn to smile. “Well you did a great job raising me.”

“I mean I’m you, somehow, and if you ended up being okay does that mean I’m going to end up okay?”

He gestured for her to come over to him and she did, slowly but surely. Once she got there he wrapped her in a Matthews-style hug.

“Maya, not only do you have all the right answers to my mistakes, but your best friend is made up of the best parts of Cory and Topanga,” Shawn told her honestly.

“So I’m okay?”

“You’re more than okay. I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it all the way down here: congrats! i hope it was a bit better than you thought it would be. some of this was kind of personal.
> 
> thank you so much for reading!


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